In 1948, Vogue published its 658-page Book of Etiquette, compiled by editor Millicent Fenwick, featuring how-tos, dos and don’ts, and the proper politesse for a remarkably varied set of scenarios. But as Fenwick writes in the introduction: “Etiquette is based on tradition, and yet it can change.” Some 75 years later, Oh, Behave! is a new monthly Vogue column in which experts sound off on today’s ever-evolving social etiquette.
There was a time when etiquette meant knowing which fork to use. Now, it’s knowing how to ask friends—and complete strangers—for a penny for your thoughts… and then charge $8 a month for them. In the age of Substack—where everyone has a newsletter, a niche, and a payment tier—the rules are murkier. How often is too often? Must one subscribe back? And at what point does self-promotion become self-indulgent?
For this installment of Oh, Behave!, Vogue turns to two writers who know their way around both a sentence and a subscriber list. Carole Radziwill—the former ABC News producer, author, and Real Housewives of New York City alum (who approached the franchise with a journalist’s detachment) and a bona fide member of the Kennedy orbit—now pens The Voice of Reason, a Substack with more than 12,000 devoted readers and plenty of opinions to match. Alongside her is Jalil Johnson, the New York–based stylist behind Consider Yourself Cultured, whose sharply observed dispatches on fashion and culture have quickly attracted a loyal following of over 15,000—and who can often be spotted at fashion parties layered in jewelry, from pinky rings to chains, dressed with studied ease.
Together, they tackle the social minefield of modern publishing—from unsolicited subscriptions to subscriber envy, inbox overload, and the delicate politics of asking your friends to promote your work. Because if Substack has taught us anything, it’s that writing may be personal—but the audience is very, very public.
On Operating a Substack
Vogue: Is it ever acceptable to subscribe someone to your Substack without their consent?
Carole Radziwill: I think it’s encouraged! I mean, I wasn’t aware that you needed consent to subscribe someone to your Substack? I subscribe to so many people—I give lifetime free memberships to people I meet on the street who have read anything I’ve written!
Jalil Johnson: I think it’s terribly gauche if you just take someone’s email and automatically subscribe them without letting them know. I have a caveat, though! If you are migrating from another platform to Substack and already have a database of follower emails, in my head, those readers have already agreed to subscribe to you. But when it happens to me, I feel violated! I feel terribly violated. It also clutters your inbox. Like, I already have over 11,000 unread emails—I’m very ashamed of that—and this is just adding onto the number.
